Jonathan Littell’s novel The Kindly Ones has won The Literary Review’s 2009 award for bad sex in fiction.
The prize celebrates the year’s most cringeworthy literary sex scenes. This year’s shortlist included Philip Roth, Amoz Oz and Nick Cave. Read the excerpts in question here.
Cycling in winter can be a daunting experience. But in reality, wind, rain and snow are rarely more than an inconvenience. The one major problem on a bike in winter, however, is ice. Below are a few tips on how to make your winter commute a safe one.
First things first: if you look out of your window in the morning and genuinely question the odds of making it to work in one piece, it’s best to make other arrangements. It is a trait of the most experienced road warrior to know when you’re beat. I have a scar on my ankle from an ice-related accident and I once didn’t even make it out of my own driveway before hitting the ground - so I speak from experience.
Moving on. While these tips are predominantly aimed at icy conditions, many of them are well worth bearing in mind whatever the weather.
1. Never cycle on the pavement.
Ever. But especially not when it’s slippery out. Stand your bike up and look at how much rubber is actually in contact with the ground at any one time. Depending on your tyres it will be roughly two 10¢ pieces worth. Compare that to the guy with two size 13 feet scrabbling for grip and you’ll soon see the pavement is no place for you.
To a similar extent, be careful of using cycle lanes which are completely separated from the road. There’s a good chance these won’t have been gritted the night before and with many (in Dublin, at least) taking you right past driveways and through bus stops, you’ll want to be on top of your maneuverability: and that might mean using the road.
2. Roads, then.
Hills aren’t going to be ideal, for obvious reasons. Your sneaky little rat run through lanes and housing estates might also be out (see the driveway incident). Main arteries are the safest bet in icy conditions as these hopeful will have been gritted in advance. You’ll be able to see the tyre tracks that cars have laid down. These will be largely ice free and the one closest to the curb is the best place to cycle. This may see you farther into the road than you’re used to. Again, if you’re at all unsure, refer to my first point. Personally, I cycle in the gutter for no man! It tends to be full of grit and glass and other tyre-unfriendly detritus.
3. Keep your eyes open.
If you dare to tempt fate on the ice, you’re going to need to be on point. All the time. You should always be on point all the time, of course. But today you’ll need to be pointier than usual.
“Progressive” is the key word to remember. Less traction will make locking wheels very easy during braking. A locked wheel does very little to slow you down. Watch how cars are moving and what colour the lights are in advance of reaching them. If you’re always planning ahead you can brake progressively and come to a gentle stop. Accelerating progressively is equally sensible if, like me, you like to be quick off the lights - you can do wheel spin on bikes, too. It just doesn’t always end well (see the ankle scarring incident).
Another reason to plan ahead is to allow you to corner progressively. If you’re inclined to carve or lean through corners, don’t. Turn slowly and perpendicular to the road. An emphasis on ‘slowly’; slippery corners can cause the front wheel to keep going straight irrespective of which way you turn it - what motor-sport fans will know as ‘understeer’. Being conscious of your centre of gravity is very useful in all cycling conditions. You can use your body to adjust the traction of each wheel or to counter balance through corners. As with anything, low and central is the most stable position. Standing up on the pedals allows you to be more maneuverable, but will raise your centre of gravity and leave you more open to a fall in slippery conditions.
4. Be visible.
Cars aren’t very good at ice, either. Make yourself known to them. The sun is lower in the winter and glare increases with shiny roads. A flashing tail light is a good idea even during daylight hours. Ride purposefully and predictably. If cars are annoyed at you for cycling farther into the road, tough. You have every right to be there and allowing enough time to make the journey is their problem, not yours. A helmet, warm protective clothing and cycling gloves are both practical and will keep you safe even if you do take a tumble. Gel-backed gloves are great for keeping wind out and always make sure they allow you sufficient dexterity to operate gears and brakes effectively. Above all, ride within your comfort zone.
Icy winter roads will make even the most experienced cyclist think twice about riding. But if you have no choice, hopefully these tips will keep you safe.
Botch - Afghamistam (An Anthology of Dead Ends | Hydra Head Records)
I know we have Minus the Bear, These Arms Are Snakes, Russian Circles and Narrows. But this song still makes me sad for what could have been…
Post: November 30th, 2009
After weeks of worry and dread and being too scared to answer the phone, it fills me with great pleasure that Natalie seemingly became so wracked with guilt over the records she stole from Norman Towers - pulling that final one-per-customer Hauschka 3” from Phil’s cold dead hands* - that she has finally sought fit to return them to me… albeit without the customary free sweet. Crime pays, but takes a tip, if you will.
In today’s box of loveliness:
Dakota Suite - The End of Trying LP on Karaoke Kalk Records
I overlooked this record for some time. I’m not sure why. It may have coincided with some other modern classical releases and quite possibly the Boomkat sale of the same. It is however, a beautiful album full of delicate swirls of piano and contemplative wonderment. There’s a double LP remix version due soon with contributions from Peter Broderick and Deaf Center and such which will probably make me cry. Edition of 200.
Jeremy Enigk - Vale Oso LP on Cydonia Records
The vinyl release of this year’s OK Bear album is released by a Spanish label that I’ve never heard of. Word is he’s very big in Spain. This is 2009’s happy album. I don’t often fall for happy albums, but this one just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The musicianship and production are fantastic and there’s a real spark about the songs which may or may not be due to the fact they were recorded in 1-2 takes with minimal rehearsal.
Peter Broderick - Home 2CD on Bella Union
aka the Bella Union cash-in record. Fortunately(-ish) I initially bought this on vinyl and so do’t feel quite so raped buying it again. I did want a CD copy and this one comes with a bonus disc called Second Home which features previously unreleased alternate takes and session recordings. Obviously they’re fantastic: it’s a Broderick release. Which leads me nicely on to…
Heather Woods Broderick - From the Ground CD on Preservation Records
A long time coming but, unsurprisingly, worth the wait. The debut from the younger Broderick sibling treads the same tightrope of minimalism and orchestration that her brother does so well. Guitar and piano whisper from either side of a sparsely furnished room (probably). It’s out on Australian label, Preservation, who forgo digipacks and jewel cases and other trite assemblages in favour of awkward but beautifully executed massive fold out posters. Posters which somewhere in their folds contain a CD - you generally discover this when it slides out and hits you in the face.
Hauschka - Small Pieces 3”CD on Secret Furry Hole Records
I ordered this package quite some time ago having not heard this album. I think I heard some of it in the interim, but to be honest I forget. Hauschka is a classically-trained German pianist who creates beautiful compositions in the vein of Max Richter and those folks who loiter around the Barbican in London. This mini CD is packaged in lovely fold-out hand-stamped packaging. The same label did Peter Broderick’s Film Score Outtakes EP (incestuous little order, this) which was equally stunning.
*much of this is speculation
